5 Days to Go

I can't believe it's only 5 days until the wedding. It's crazy how fast the time has flown. I'm so excited. I'm excited for the day of course, but also for it to just over. I'm SOOOOOO tired! There is still a lot to do, but most of it is just small tedious stuff. Sean of course is out of town for the week and so not much help, but his being around isn't much help either hahahaha. I'm actually glad he's out of town so I don't have to feel guilty about not giving him enough attention.

Speaking of attention...I think that's going to be my greatest challenge. I'm really going to have to work on how to balance all my time. I still have to give myself a couple of minutes a day, Haley needs my attention, my family needs my attention, friends need my attention, my students demand A LOT of my attention, I'll have a husband that needs my attention too, along with church callings. I don't know how it's all going to work itself out, but I can only hope that there will be much patience practiced by those old enough to practice it, while I learn to balance my time and learn my roles.

I know that this marriage is right, but none the less, I'm terrified. What if I fail AGAIN? I've learned so much the past few years, but still I can't help but be fearful. I fear the uncertainties, I fear being alone now more than ever. I don't think I could survive another broken heart. These are probably just unnecessary thoughts, but they've been trapped in my head and I needed to get them out. So...there they are.

Yesterday was the Primary Program at church. It was ABSOLUTELY adorable. Haley was so excited and performed so well (for a 4 year old). The Sunbeam version of "I Am a Child of God" was priceless. Even with the hilarity of their version, the spirit of those sweet children brought me to tears. Thank you so much to Sis. Noble for all her love and attention to these little children. Thank you to Sis. Bickerstaff for her time and effort in teaching the songs and instilling a love of music in my daughter. Thank you to Sis. Hedgecock, Sis. Booth, and Sis. Conover for helping Haley to learn to to love primary. You all have been such a blessing to our lives. Your own children (and future children) are lucky to have you.

Come one Come All!!!

UNCLE-I SAY UNCLE ALREADY!!!!

Maybe it's wedding planning, maybe it's PMS, maybe it's just stress...regardless...I'm ready to cry "UNCLE" and quit.

The wedding is running...kinda. It's a lot harder to plan this thing than I thought it was going to be. Not being able to plan for a guaranteed date is definitely putting a damper on things. The paperwork for the temple divorce is in, and well let's be honest here, it's a pretty cut and dry situation given the situation and facts. It's just a matter of the paperwork getting through committee and returned, but without the official return and "ok" we can't get married...at least not in the temple, and for me...I just wouldn't feel right getting married civilly when it's really not necessary. The pressure for some to "just get married" is pretty strong, but in my heart of hearts, I know the temple is where we need to be.

Last week, after hearing of some people from high school that had passed away unexpectedly, my uncle too unexpectedly passed away. My sweet grandparents returned from an 18 day cruise in South America (which was not great) and on their first official day home, they received a call from Scottsdale Police that my uncle was found dead in his house. Our relationship with him has been far from smooth, but none the less he was family. Friday we gained access to his house and began going through his things. There were too many emotions to relate...everything from sorrow, disgust, anger, frustration, suprise...

To top off the Friday, my mom called to tell me that my bird had died. He was a PITA of a bird, but again a member of the family. He truly had personality, and his most recent owner was my 11 year old brother. I felt so bad that he was the one to find him dead. Farewell to my Larry Bird.

The weekend was pretty good. Saturday I covered Saturday School...only 7 off the assigned 13 showed up. One kid kept asking to leave early...seriously kid...you got in trouble and if I have to be here the full time, so do you. Saturday afternoon I got some good shopping done and ordered cake...have I ever mentioned I LOVE CAKE. Seriously, the best part of the wedding has been the excuse to taste various cake :-)

Sunday... I took the day off. I locked myself in my room and had a LOVELY mental health day. It was truly great. I watched Gilmore Girls and slept off and on most of the day. I needed it. I finally felt rested and my head didn't feel like it would explode.

Then there's today...Monday. What a MONDAY it has been. Monday should be classified with those other "4-letter-words". I started the morning fighting with Haley at 5:45 about getting up and getting dressed. She wouldn't get up so I picked out her outfit which of course was WRONG. Why I didn't pick something yellow to begin with I don't know. The staff meeting went well...too many kiddos were late, but as long as they show up and sign up for assignments, I don't really care. The day just got worse from there. During my yearbook class I discovered that $300 was stolen from an envelope in my desk. The money was for tshirts for my staff. I'm so angry... Then at the end of the hour I left the room to make a quick copy and on my way back to class I walked outside to the stairs into a cloud of marijuana smoke. GROSS!!!! I tore off after the group of 3 boys who ran from the scene. I'm chasing after them screaming for them to stop, for someone to call security, and for direction on which direction the boys ran. They were stupid enough to run into a classroom where I caught at least 2 of them. I was then promptly cussed out (lovely lovely F-bomb) and threatened. (Seriously...did I really get a Master's degree for this). At the end of each day we get a discipline record...one kid got one day of on campus suspension and from the looks of it the kid that cussed me out and threatened me got NOTHING! Another teacher heard me running down the halls and came after me. The same kid full on body checked him...and again...from the looks of things, the kid got NO CONSEQUENCE. GRRRRR

To top it all off...I was dressed as a pirate...Happy Homecoming Week....

Here are some pictures from recent events.

Here Sean and I are at my friend Rachel's wedding a few weeks ago.

Our most recent Costco trip...can I pack it all in or what? hahahaha

Here are a couple of our engagement pictures.

My life...full of...fun...yeah fun's the word.

BIG Changes

So I haven't posted a blog in FOREVER. Why, well I've been busy...busy doing what? A ton of stuff. Yearbook and classroom planning, cleaning and organizing, being a mom, and well....dating.

I've been single for nearly four years, and it wasn't until this summer that dating finally became FUN! Who'd a thought :-) Seriously though, since getting divorced, dating has been a chore, a punishment, an all around nightmare filled with tears, insecurities, and total frustrated failure. It's not that I'm not a good date or SOME of these guys weren't total losers, it just was never "right". Perhaps I was too critical, not open enough, or just plain not ready. Either way, I really wondered if a relationship would ever be in my future. I seriously started looking at becoming the "crazy-spinster-cat lady."

However, during all the bad dates and crazy crazy boys, there was always this "friend". The guy who would listen, flirt a little, and always be patient with me. For me though, Sean was always in the friend zone and could never possibly be anything more. Yet, I always trusted him implicitly. Sure, I knew he was a bit of a wild child, but his heart was usually in the right place and he was always willing to offer help whether I asked for it or not. Somehow he was always just "there".

I think about 2 years ago he started trying to get out of "the friend zone" but with all the stubborness of a mule I kept him there. I justified it by saying he was too young and my good friend's brother. He was off limits. We sort of dated a little over a year ago, but really it was like 5th grade dating...we talked to each other and hung out for a few weeks. We still talked and wrote letters, but nothing really came of it. In my head I figured he too realized we were just better as friends. Then this past summer, he showed up a little more forcefully. He wouldn't accept my brush offs and just kept trying. I finally decided to give him a chance. More to show him that dating would be disasterous and we were better as just friends than anything else.

I was wrong...I REALLY hate it when I'm wrong ;-). Dating someone was never more natural, never more comfortable, and never more RIGHT. I couldn't believe that "the boy next door" was really my future. He loves my Haley and she adores him. I've seen such a change in her since he came around. She seems more happy. I can't believe I finally get to give her a family. I feel so blessed. After only a few short weeks of serious dating, he asked me to marry him, and of course I SAID YES!!! I guess if I had to be wrong about something, this was definitely the thing to be wrong about.

So, we're getting married. We hope to be married November 22, 2008 in the Mesa, Arizona Temple.

We're in full swing with wedding plans. I can't wait. It's hard to believe that after years of either being or feeling alone, I have someone who truly desires to be with me for time and eternity. Other than Haley, he's truly the greatest blessing I've had in years. He's good for me, he's a great balance to my often too serious personality.

I'd love to send an announcement, so please send me your address. It's hard to believe that in only 8 short weeks I will be Amanda Lynn Jenkins.

Tagged

I am: multitasking (blogging, emailing, folding laundry, packing, cooking, cleaning, grading)
I know: I'm a master at procrastination
I want: to be in a relationship (anyone care to share the name of some good single guys)
I have: a fabulous daughter.
I hate: !!DRAMA!!
I miss: having someone to watch a thunderstorm with.
I fear: losing my daughter
I feel: overwhelmed by my To Do list
I hear: cartoons in the livingroom, Haley fighting with Sam, and the A/C
I smell: Haley's paints
I crave: pancakes and a crushed ice diet pepsi (I think I'm PMSing...cuz I know I'm not pregnant)
I search: GOOGLE
I wonder: if I will ever have enough time to be a GREAT mom
I regret: not having spent more time in hs making friends
I love: my amazing daughter
I care: about my family, my friends, and my students
I always: give hugs and try to encourage people
I am not: very good at "putting myself out there"
I believe: in faith. I wouldn't keep dating if I didn't
I dance: in my living room with Haley, in the car, in my classroom...anywhere I can
I sing: in my car and anywhere Haley decides it's time for a song
I don’t always: return phone calls
I fight: with real emotion!
I write: all the time...maybe someday it will turn into something
I lose: my keys or cell phone often
I win: every arguement, whether I win or not...I'm always heard
I never: go to bed on time
I listen: when people need to talk
I am scared: of being being alone forever
I need: people to communicate with me better
I am happy about: going to Prescott
I tag: Katie, Amber, Ronica, and Marinda

"Lazy" Summer Days

I can definitely say my summer has been anything but "lazy." I love the summer and all the fun that comes with it...and them I'm usually glad that school starts again so I can catch my breath. Here are some candids from the past couple of weeks. I can safely say that we're defintiely enjoying our summer.

Here we are at Kung Fu Panda

My Little Fish...she splashes and between water fights I read.


Met my VT's for ice cream at McDonalds and Haley climbed in the slide...took her about 20 min. to find this blue tube so I could take her picture...a great use of time if you ask me ;-)

I'm not so sure the uncles are the greatest swimming influences...but she sure had fun with them...so did Sam the dog lol.


A trip to Peter Piper Pizza is always cause for smiles...and I don't mind letting them provide the cool air and super cheap pizza :-).

Cali & Magic Mountain

Last weekend we had a "big kids" weekend in CA and Magic Mountian. Good fun! I like roller coasters...but I really don't think I would ride the scary ones if there wasn't some "peer pressure" involved. LOL The trip was fun...definitely an expression of who everyone is.

We all got our feet wet, but Christopher was the only one who was crazy enough to get out in the COLD water and swim.

My crazy family.

Dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Factory...YUM!!!


6 Flags Magic Mountain Fun!

The Bathroom Remodel

I finished the remodel of my bathroom, and other than some muscle from my brother to remove the vanity from the wall, I did the whole thing myself! I love the finished product! Here are some pictures from final tear out to completion :-)

The bad...and somewhat discouraging phase...

I feel better after COLOR!

I love this cabinet...definitely think I can handle this now!

Final Product at 1 AM...I was EXHAUSTED and EXHILARATED!

Sum..Sum..Summertime!!!!

I'm now a little over a week into summer break, and already I'm about 15 projects deep. There must be something seriously wrong with me that I can't take the gift of no school and just relax. Then again...I know that once those students converge onto campus again in August...I'll have no time for my own projects again. Regardless of my own sick mental reasoning (I've been diagnosed AAADD-Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder...see earlier post) I have 15 projects in various stages of chaos.

We started our summer break with a relxing trip to Heber to visit my grandparents. It was a very nice trip and got me on the roll of my first project...my personal reading list. The trip was a little hairy...the weather was awful going up, but a perfect excuse to just wrap up in a blanket to relax and read. With my grandparents eagerly waiting to play with Haley I jumped into reading Twilight. FABULOUS young adult novel! I highly recommend it. It takes very little to get involved with the characters and once you're in you can't put it down. I've never been one for vampire books, but seriously...WOW...I'm in love with a vampire...where's my Edward? lol I finished the book in less than 2 days :-)

The rest of the trip revolved around food and outdoor fun.

Once we got home I started my to do list of summer activities. 1. Clean out the office and paint 2. Clean out the hall closet 3. Clean out Haley's toys 4. Clean out the china closet 5. Clean out the kitchen and pantry 6. Clean out my bedroom 7. Clean out Haley's clothes 8. Clean out the shed 9. Finish landscaping the backyard 10. Prepare of yearbook conference 11. Calendar out lessons for next school year 12. Paint my bathroom 13. Paint outside of house 14. READ 15. DATE.

Not a terrible list but certainly time consuming. Since I've been home I've cleaned out the office, cleaned out the hall closet, cleaned out the dining room, cleaned out Haley's toys, started landscaping, and instead of painting my bathroom...I've completely torn it apart for remodeling. I don't know how to do things in small doses :-). I've also read the sequal to Twilight, New Moon...another good book.

Don't think Haley's being neglected in all this "work." She loves to help and is great at sorting and organizing, so she's been in the midst of most of it. She even helped pick out the new bathroom fixtures and paint. She's loving having mom home. She's still going to the sitters a few times a week, but it's more for her own socialization. She LOVES her friends and I think it's important for her to maintain those relationships with them...plus I LOVE visiting with my sitter. She's like another mom.

AAADD...This is me

I received this email and it described me (and many others I know) so well I had to post it :-)

Recently, I was Diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
1) The car isn't washed
2) The bills aren't paid
3) There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
4) The flowers don't have enough water,
5) There is still only 1 check in my check book,
6) I can't find the remote,
7) I can't find my glasses,
8) And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

At least I can laugh

The window saga continues...

I tried to follow the instructions of the glass company last night and tape a nice big duct tape X to my window (yes X marks the spot...please break into my house...ugh). However, I'm short...yes, I can admit it I'm short. I had a rather uneventful evening with Haley (outside of the typical 3 yr old arguments) so I decided to test my luck...you'd think I'd learn. After I got Haley down I got out a ladder and a roll of tape and tried to set myself up outside the window. Well of course with the bushes and all I couldn't actually reach the window so I decided to just try and balance myself on the windowsill and try to tape it that way. I was doing ok until I tried to actually pull the tape off the roll and stretch it to the other side of the window. The tape didn't unroll like I wanted it to and the glass started cracking more and as I tried to balance, provide tension, and maneuver...balance lost. I fell out of the window, tape in hand. I landed kind of on my bum, kind of on my right arm...mostly flat on my back...tape in hand. I threw the tape and decided, ENOUGH, I don't care...if the glass falls out, the glass falls out. As I laid flat on my back on the grass all I could do was laugh at myself. I try to be Super Woman...most of the time I do okay...somtimes I'm just a klutz. So for the next 4-6 weeks I will have a lovely spiderweb to look out of.

Tuesday, however, started much better. Haley and I rocked our way to school. She was great this morning. She woke up happy and helpful. She even helped me carry a stack of essays to the car. She fed the dog while I got my shoes on. She's amazing. Best kid in the world. When we got in the car she asked if we could sing Fergies "Big Girls Don't Cry", then "Clumsy," then "New Soul", and then she justed wanted whatever Fergie song she could get. She loves to sing. Definitely a good start to the day.

16 days until graduation!!!!! Yes, I'm counting down.

Broken Window

So yesterday afternoon I was disciplining Haley for lying about something and I hear a pop in the direction of my living room window. I look up and my BRAND NEW window is CRACKED!!! I paid a truckload of money for these "top of the line" windows and the freakin' thing is CRACKED!!!! I think it was an omen of things to come for my Monday morning.

I had a meeting at school this morning at 6:45 that basically said we're going back to the old pass policy. GRRRR!!! Seriously...I could have gotten this information through an email and not added to the typical Monday runaround. Haley's allergies are awful and she didn't sleep well last night, which of course means that I don't sleep well. I had her up at 2:00 this morning doing a breathing treatment. Then I get into class and my students are unprepared. I kind of expected it, and half prepared to postpone the lesson until tomorrow anyway, but then I walk around to check on their progress and a few of them are just reading Spark Notes instead of actually having a shred of integrity and doing the work from their own brains! These are honors kids...they are perfectly CAPABLE! So of course I lay into them about that and get them working again. I take this opportunity to call the blasted company that sold me the windows in the first place to be told that they would have to call me back after they "reviewed my file"...whatever! Then I decide it's time to confront the two kids who I found plagiarized an essay I graded last Friday. One of the kids is failing. I told both of them they would receive a zero for the essay and that I expected to receive a Pride and Prejudice essay from them this week (late of course). The kid who's failing says, "Do I really have to do it, I mean I did my senior paper and I'm going to do the course assessment." At this point I'm ready to walk out...I'm ready to quit...I'm ready to go back to bed and try Monday again tomorrow. Instead...in my teacher voice of course...I say, "Yes you have to do the essay, I'm not turning you in for plagiarism of your Sense and Sensibility essay and if you actually want to GRADUATE you need as much cushion as you can get by actually doing ALL of the work that is assigned." He walks away... Next, the window company calls back and says they can replace my window (YA THINK). I then ask for a time frame...they'll have to call me back (why wouldn't you get a customer that information right away?). They call back and tell me 4-6 weeks. 4-6 WEEKS???? WHAT!!!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!! They tell me they'll see what they can do.

The bell rings...marking the end of period one...me...I leave for SONIC for a LARGE Diet Coke...

Is it Tuesday yet???

The End

The 2007-2008 school year is truly winding down. All the events that mark the end of the year are here. Prom, yearbook distribution planning, honors assemblies, caps and gowns, senior video, MASS grading, course assessments, scheduling for 09, planning sessions for 09. It is a busy time of year marked with excitement, frustration, and even a little sadness.

Teaching has become a cornerstone in my life. I love my job, the people I work with, and the students I teach and learn from. As an upper division teacher I have the pleasure and pain of working with much of the graduating class. I've watched many of them grow from the time they were freshmen. I've taught them and helped them to plan and grow in order to be prepared for post high school life. I've seen relationships created, broken, mended, and nurtured. There are a handful that I become very attached to. I worry about them, care for them, and hope for them. They are the ones that while I would love to keep them in my classes under a shield of protection, I know I have to let go and hope that I've taught them enough. Teaching is much like parenting...only less time. The intensity is the same, the feeling of responsibility is the same. I wonder about those kids from year's past. Where are they now? What are they doing? Are they successful, happy, fulfilled, safe? These same kids I love will drive me absoletly crazy for the next 15 days. They are so ready to graduate and yet will display true signs of apprehension at doing so. We are mere days away from that walk through the stadium and across the stage as they flip their tassles as wave goodbye to PHS. I will cry and I will miss them terribly, but it will mark the start path of their future. As for me...I'll get to start all over again next year!

This sounded a lot less somber in my head...

PHS Yearbook Hits Disneyland

Two weeks ago, I decided to put my life and sanity on the line and take 12 rascally teenagers to Disneyland...all by myself. I know...what was I thinking!? It turned out to be a great trip, sure there were some bumps along the way. First the plane was over an hour late arriving at the gate (you think toddlers get impatient and cranky when they're tired...teenagers are worse). We made it to the hotel around 11:30 after a very scary ride through LA with SuperShuttle. We arrived at our hotel, The Carriage Inn...which was not nearly as nice as the pictures had suggested...but the price was right and I wasn't worried about the kiddos "breaking" anything.

I was smart enough to get my own room and the 8 girls shared 2 rooms and the 4 boys shared one. We a commitment to be ready and at the park when the gates opened which meant meeting outside the hotel at 7:15. Well do you think anybody besides me actually went to bed after we got to our rooms??? NOOOOOOO The psychos ordered pizza and stayed up until like 3 am. Needless to say...they were less that bright eyed when we met at 7:30 for our group walk to the park. Outside of tired factor, the day was pretty great. There were a few attitudes I could have done without, but for the most part, my extended yearbook family was a pleasure to hang out with. My senior staff members found graduation hats with Mickey Mouse ears...I had to have a picture. I'm sure going to miss these kids. They have been a fantastic staff, so full of life, and spontaneity. Sunday morning we got to see some of the characters and got some great pictures. By Sunday afternoon we were definitely DONE, and the trip home was far less eventful. However, even Monday and Tuesday...back in the classroom...the Disney magic still existed. For my "family" who reads this...THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!

Yearbook Invades Disneyland