It's All About Perception

When dealing with any type of crisis or loss the human mind typically follows 5 steps: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  In the past few weeks there have been a number of very stressful events in my life.  My first response to each of these has been...is this really my life???  Since then, I've begun to work the phases of the process.  For the most part, I'm in a pretty good place of acceptance.  That's not to say I don't slip back into some of the other phases, but I'm trying really hard to accept what's in front of me and work with it.

Today as I switched around my many hats I spent some time contemplating why all of these things had snowballed into my life.  I was really starting to think that I might just be a train wreck.  Instead, I'm changing my perception.  My life isn't a train wreck, it's just a process of making me a very well-rounded individual.  I mean that in more than just reference to my ever rounding shape.  There's a reason I need to learn all of these things.  There's a reason I need to have 3 children (2 who will likely only be 12 months apart).  There's a reason I need to understand the juvenile justice system.  There's a reason I need to know about bail bonds and the criminal justice system. There's a reason I need to learn about grief with others.  There's a reason I need to learn to help others organize their lives and find peace and serenity.  There's a reason I am mentoring a difficult student teacher.

I just really wish I knew what the reasons were...

At 15

Heavenly Father is ingenious...and yet terribly frustrating.  This free agency thing makes life so difficult sometimes, especially when it means that others can make choices that are completely out of our control.  My younger brother has not used his free agency wisely in the past few years and it has ultimately left him in a very unfortunate place.  I've spent a lot of time in the past week recalling what it was like to be 15.  Sure, it's been a while, but it doesn't seem so far off.  I find it very puzzling that 2 related individuals can choose such polar paths. 

When I was 15:

1. I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
2. I began dating seriously
3. I worried about having friends and fitting in
4. I shopped
5. I played volleyball
6. I got my first job as a hostess at the Country Club
7. I prayed for my parents
8. I became a sister for the second time
9. I got my driver's permit
10. I made commitments to myself to live my life in accordance with certain standards

Again, however, Heavenly Father has an ingenious plan.  Along with free agency to make poor choices, he allows forgiveness and blesses us with opportunities to change our path.  I sincerely pray that my younger brother makes some better choices now that his options are so limited and he sincerely seeks another path.  He has realized what he's done and where it's placed him.  He has found prayer.  He has found humility.  Hopefully these things will stick.

If you are a prayerful person, please pray for him to be humble.  Pray his DAP placement will come quickly and that he will find an inner strength and peace.  Please pray for my mom as she endures all this emotional pain.

Fish or Baby

The past couple of nights have been a little rough with Nick.  Last night he fought going to sleep (screwy Sunday sleep schedule) and then woke up at midnight and just cried.  Nothing I did was enough to console him.  I bounced him, rocked him, nursed him, sang to him, NOTHING worked.  I finally woke Sean up and asked him to take a shot at it.  He played with Sean for a bit, but ultimately ended up crying.  As a desperate last measure I decided to get into the shower with him.  That worked!  As soon as the water hit his little back he stopped crying and just cooed.  He played in the shower for probably 20 minutes.  It was enough to get him to relax so that when I put him in bed he only fussed for a few minutes before crashing.  Granted he was still up and down througout the night but it did give me a 2 hour reprieve.  It's got me thinking though...am I raising...

or a