Taking a Breath

A recent pic taken by Haley

Not that I ever expect life to slow down, I don't, and honestly, I like it that way. I like knowing that there is always something that could be done or someone that I can help. Apparently, that little spirited idea led me to a church calling.

One week before Sean and I were married, we got to enjoy the annual Primary sacrament program. It was GREAT!!! The kids were priceless. My little Haley and her Sunbeam friends were too funny for words. My heart was so full as they belted out I Am A Child of God. The spirit was so strong it brought tears to my eyes. At the conclusion of the meeting my bishop asked to speak with me. I figured he just wanted to visit with me once more before the wedding...WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! Nope, he had a new calling for me...Primary President. I laughed at him...openly laughed at him. I really thought he was kidding, but he just kept staring at me. Of course I accepted...then I spent the rest of the day crying. We've had a few hiccups along the way, but my counselors and I are finally getting the hang of things. I've barely even served in Primary, so to be President is a bit overwhelming. However, I'm really learning to love the kids, the teachers, and my counselors. I'm learning so much and my testimony of Primary is really being strengthened. Having never been a child in Primary, I'm at quite a disadvantage to just about everyone else, but hey, someone sees this as a good place for me, so learn and grow we will.

My classes this semester are...interesting to say the least. I'm not having as much fun this semester as I'd like, but at least I have a job.

Haley began dance classes in January. She's SOOOOOO cute!!! She amazes me!! She just jumps right in without so much as an afterthought of me. She's been measured for her costume for the summer recital, and I just can't wait. At night she likes to "practice" with me, so we practice our ballet, tap, and tumbling. It's so cute, I'm so glad I found something that is helping to build her confidence.

Haley getting measured for her recital costume

All the girls curtsey at the end of class

We also have a new member of our family. A puppy. Her name is Zoey, she's a black lab Australian sheppard mix. She's a great energetic match for Sam our Jack Russel. Together they are quite a pair. My biggest issue with Zoey is her constant desire to chew EVERYTHING including my SHOES!!! Sean and I have a new understanding since she was his idea...for every pair of shoes she chews I get a new pair :-) . So, her new name...Zoey BOGO Jenkins!

Buddies

Zoey
Sam...the lover

One last tidbit...my mom GRADUATED!!!! Yep, that's right, she's now officially received her AA as a Medical Billing and Coder. I'm so proud of her. It has been a true struggle and I'm so proud of how much she's grown through this experience.

Just some other random pictures from my camera...

Haley's Friends

Sean & I at Disneyland

My Wonderful Grandparents

photo by Haley

The Wedding

It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally sitting down and writing a few notes about the wedding. I am so blessed. Both of the ceremonies were beautiful, and I of course cried during the whole thing. I truly took the words of the ceremonies to heart. Never again will I take a relationship for granted. Nothing is ever set in stone and it will always be work. However, if we can just remember the happiness we felt in these pictures, we will have the motivation to work through anything. I adore my husband and will never be able to thank him enough for keeping life fun and reminding me not to take myself so seriously. I love you Seany!

5 Days to Go

I can't believe it's only 5 days until the wedding. It's crazy how fast the time has flown. I'm so excited. I'm excited for the day of course, but also for it to just over. I'm SOOOOOO tired! There is still a lot to do, but most of it is just small tedious stuff. Sean of course is out of town for the week and so not much help, but his being around isn't much help either hahahaha. I'm actually glad he's out of town so I don't have to feel guilty about not giving him enough attention.

Speaking of attention...I think that's going to be my greatest challenge. I'm really going to have to work on how to balance all my time. I still have to give myself a couple of minutes a day, Haley needs my attention, my family needs my attention, friends need my attention, my students demand A LOT of my attention, I'll have a husband that needs my attention too, along with church callings. I don't know how it's all going to work itself out, but I can only hope that there will be much patience practiced by those old enough to practice it, while I learn to balance my time and learn my roles.

I know that this marriage is right, but none the less, I'm terrified. What if I fail AGAIN? I've learned so much the past few years, but still I can't help but be fearful. I fear the uncertainties, I fear being alone now more than ever. I don't think I could survive another broken heart. These are probably just unnecessary thoughts, but they've been trapped in my head and I needed to get them out. So...there they are.

Yesterday was the Primary Program at church. It was ABSOLUTELY adorable. Haley was so excited and performed so well (for a 4 year old). The Sunbeam version of "I Am a Child of God" was priceless. Even with the hilarity of their version, the spirit of those sweet children brought me to tears. Thank you so much to Sis. Noble for all her love and attention to these little children. Thank you to Sis. Bickerstaff for her time and effort in teaching the songs and instilling a love of music in my daughter. Thank you to Sis. Hedgecock, Sis. Booth, and Sis. Conover for helping Haley to learn to to love primary. You all have been such a blessing to our lives. Your own children (and future children) are lucky to have you.

Come one Come All!!!

UNCLE-I SAY UNCLE ALREADY!!!!

Maybe it's wedding planning, maybe it's PMS, maybe it's just stress...regardless...I'm ready to cry "UNCLE" and quit.

The wedding is running...kinda. It's a lot harder to plan this thing than I thought it was going to be. Not being able to plan for a guaranteed date is definitely putting a damper on things. The paperwork for the temple divorce is in, and well let's be honest here, it's a pretty cut and dry situation given the situation and facts. It's just a matter of the paperwork getting through committee and returned, but without the official return and "ok" we can't get married...at least not in the temple, and for me...I just wouldn't feel right getting married civilly when it's really not necessary. The pressure for some to "just get married" is pretty strong, but in my heart of hearts, I know the temple is where we need to be.

Last week, after hearing of some people from high school that had passed away unexpectedly, my uncle too unexpectedly passed away. My sweet grandparents returned from an 18 day cruise in South America (which was not great) and on their first official day home, they received a call from Scottsdale Police that my uncle was found dead in his house. Our relationship with him has been far from smooth, but none the less he was family. Friday we gained access to his house and began going through his things. There were too many emotions to relate...everything from sorrow, disgust, anger, frustration, suprise...

To top off the Friday, my mom called to tell me that my bird had died. He was a PITA of a bird, but again a member of the family. He truly had personality, and his most recent owner was my 11 year old brother. I felt so bad that he was the one to find him dead. Farewell to my Larry Bird.

The weekend was pretty good. Saturday I covered Saturday School...only 7 off the assigned 13 showed up. One kid kept asking to leave early...seriously kid...you got in trouble and if I have to be here the full time, so do you. Saturday afternoon I got some good shopping done and ordered cake...have I ever mentioned I LOVE CAKE. Seriously, the best part of the wedding has been the excuse to taste various cake :-)

Sunday... I took the day off. I locked myself in my room and had a LOVELY mental health day. It was truly great. I watched Gilmore Girls and slept off and on most of the day. I needed it. I finally felt rested and my head didn't feel like it would explode.

Then there's today...Monday. What a MONDAY it has been. Monday should be classified with those other "4-letter-words". I started the morning fighting with Haley at 5:45 about getting up and getting dressed. She wouldn't get up so I picked out her outfit which of course was WRONG. Why I didn't pick something yellow to begin with I don't know. The staff meeting went well...too many kiddos were late, but as long as they show up and sign up for assignments, I don't really care. The day just got worse from there. During my yearbook class I discovered that $300 was stolen from an envelope in my desk. The money was for tshirts for my staff. I'm so angry... Then at the end of the hour I left the room to make a quick copy and on my way back to class I walked outside to the stairs into a cloud of marijuana smoke. GROSS!!!! I tore off after the group of 3 boys who ran from the scene. I'm chasing after them screaming for them to stop, for someone to call security, and for direction on which direction the boys ran. They were stupid enough to run into a classroom where I caught at least 2 of them. I was then promptly cussed out (lovely lovely F-bomb) and threatened. (Seriously...did I really get a Master's degree for this). At the end of each day we get a discipline record...one kid got one day of on campus suspension and from the looks of it the kid that cussed me out and threatened me got NOTHING! Another teacher heard me running down the halls and came after me. The same kid full on body checked him...and again...from the looks of things, the kid got NO CONSEQUENCE. GRRRRR

To top it all off...I was dressed as a pirate...Happy Homecoming Week....

Here are some pictures from recent events.

Here Sean and I are at my friend Rachel's wedding a few weeks ago.

Our most recent Costco trip...can I pack it all in or what? hahahaha

Here are a couple of our engagement pictures.

My life...full of...fun...yeah fun's the word.

BIG Changes

So I haven't posted a blog in FOREVER. Why, well I've been busy...busy doing what? A ton of stuff. Yearbook and classroom planning, cleaning and organizing, being a mom, and well....dating.

I've been single for nearly four years, and it wasn't until this summer that dating finally became FUN! Who'd a thought :-) Seriously though, since getting divorced, dating has been a chore, a punishment, an all around nightmare filled with tears, insecurities, and total frustrated failure. It's not that I'm not a good date or SOME of these guys weren't total losers, it just was never "right". Perhaps I was too critical, not open enough, or just plain not ready. Either way, I really wondered if a relationship would ever be in my future. I seriously started looking at becoming the "crazy-spinster-cat lady."

However, during all the bad dates and crazy crazy boys, there was always this "friend". The guy who would listen, flirt a little, and always be patient with me. For me though, Sean was always in the friend zone and could never possibly be anything more. Yet, I always trusted him implicitly. Sure, I knew he was a bit of a wild child, but his heart was usually in the right place and he was always willing to offer help whether I asked for it or not. Somehow he was always just "there".

I think about 2 years ago he started trying to get out of "the friend zone" but with all the stubborness of a mule I kept him there. I justified it by saying he was too young and my good friend's brother. He was off limits. We sort of dated a little over a year ago, but really it was like 5th grade dating...we talked to each other and hung out for a few weeks. We still talked and wrote letters, but nothing really came of it. In my head I figured he too realized we were just better as friends. Then this past summer, he showed up a little more forcefully. He wouldn't accept my brush offs and just kept trying. I finally decided to give him a chance. More to show him that dating would be disasterous and we were better as just friends than anything else.

I was wrong...I REALLY hate it when I'm wrong ;-). Dating someone was never more natural, never more comfortable, and never more RIGHT. I couldn't believe that "the boy next door" was really my future. He loves my Haley and she adores him. I've seen such a change in her since he came around. She seems more happy. I can't believe I finally get to give her a family. I feel so blessed. After only a few short weeks of serious dating, he asked me to marry him, and of course I SAID YES!!! I guess if I had to be wrong about something, this was definitely the thing to be wrong about.

So, we're getting married. We hope to be married November 22, 2008 in the Mesa, Arizona Temple.

We're in full swing with wedding plans. I can't wait. It's hard to believe that after years of either being or feeling alone, I have someone who truly desires to be with me for time and eternity. Other than Haley, he's truly the greatest blessing I've had in years. He's good for me, he's a great balance to my often too serious personality.

I'd love to send an announcement, so please send me your address. It's hard to believe that in only 8 short weeks I will be Amanda Lynn Jenkins.

Tagged

I am: multitasking (blogging, emailing, folding laundry, packing, cooking, cleaning, grading)
I know: I'm a master at procrastination
I want: to be in a relationship (anyone care to share the name of some good single guys)
I have: a fabulous daughter.
I hate: !!DRAMA!!
I miss: having someone to watch a thunderstorm with.
I fear: losing my daughter
I feel: overwhelmed by my To Do list
I hear: cartoons in the livingroom, Haley fighting with Sam, and the A/C
I smell: Haley's paints
I crave: pancakes and a crushed ice diet pepsi (I think I'm PMSing...cuz I know I'm not pregnant)
I search: GOOGLE
I wonder: if I will ever have enough time to be a GREAT mom
I regret: not having spent more time in hs making friends
I love: my amazing daughter
I care: about my family, my friends, and my students
I always: give hugs and try to encourage people
I am not: very good at "putting myself out there"
I believe: in faith. I wouldn't keep dating if I didn't
I dance: in my living room with Haley, in the car, in my classroom...anywhere I can
I sing: in my car and anywhere Haley decides it's time for a song
I don’t always: return phone calls
I fight: with real emotion!
I write: all the time...maybe someday it will turn into something
I lose: my keys or cell phone often
I win: every arguement, whether I win or not...I'm always heard
I never: go to bed on time
I listen: when people need to talk
I am scared: of being being alone forever
I need: people to communicate with me better
I am happy about: going to Prescott
I tag: Katie, Amber, Ronica, and Marinda