This is my second week back to work, and I'm really struggling to hold it all together. I love my job as a teacher, but I love my calling as a mom so much more. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions and I can't seem to do any one well enough according to my standards. I feel like Nicholas should still need me at home..he's only 10 weeks old...but he doesn't. He has Dad and that's good, I just feel like I'm needed as more of a machine that a mom. I feel like my family just needs me to provide.
I know I should feel blessed that Sean is getting to be a stay at home dad, but I don't. I'm JEALOUS, I'm dripping green with jealousy.
I want to be at home taking care of my home and my family. I don't want to be working full time at the high school, 2 nights as week at the college, and Saturday mornings at the college.
I know I should feel grateful that I have my education and that I have a secure job that allows me to almost sufficiently provide for my family, however, I just feel YUCK!
I feel like all I do is run from one place to another and put out as many fires along the way as I can. I'm desperately trying to get my seniors to be motivated in the material and work to graduate. I'm trying to train Haley to like mornings and be cooperative and kind. I'm trying to pump enough milk to satisfy my growing baby while I'm away NOT watching him grow. I'm trying to pay bills. I'm trying to be a good friend. I'm trying to be supportive. I'm trying to not be judgemental and pushy. I'm trying to fix healthy satisfying meals for my family. I'm trying to plan fun and meaningful family home evenings. I'm trying to enjoy going to church. I'm trying not to cry everytime I get in my car. I'm trying not to panic over the state of our finances. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to feel gratitude for my jobs. I'm trying to have faith.
Ok...I've ranted.
4 comments:
Hang in there Mandy. Life really is hard sometimes.
Remember you don't have to do more than you are able. Have Sean make the nutritious meals. Off load responsibilities on to him. It is hard to delegate, but you have to.
Vent any time.
You can do it.
Hey! You blogged. Okay I wasn't super excited reading this but I hope it made you feel better :) The life of a mother is hard as it is and it's too bad you have other responsibilities dumped on top. Hang in there! Let me know if you ever need anything. Smile!
And here we all think you are Super Woman. Even super heroes fail. This way of life can't last forever right? One day you'll look back on it and pat yourself on the back for hanging in there. You can do it!! Guess you probably didn't want any advice...just to vent...and that is okay!
Oh Honey...You are for sure not getting an 'F' in my book! I would say you are passing with flying colors...I give you an A+++++!
Hang in there. It sounds like you need a little time to yourself, whether that is going to the temple, getting a pedicure, or going for some ice cream.
Know that Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to run faster than we have strength. I know how amazing you are and you will be just fine! Feel free to vent ANYTIME!!!!
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