Tuesday, April 21, 2009

4 Year Old Grief

The past 4 days have been emotional to say the very least. Saturday afternoon Sean and I were cleaning the patio and playing with the dogs and I realized I hadn't seen Haley's cat Charlotte since the previous morning. It's very unlike her to skip a meal or disappear (she had disfigured paws so movement was somewhat challenging). We went looking for her and discovered her poor little body in the grassy common area a few doors down from our house. Someone purposely took the life of my poor little girls best friend, her kitty Charlotte. It was awful to find. The thought alone makes my stomach sick and my eyes tear up. She may not have been a perfect cat, but she and Haley adored one another, and we all got a kick out of the "prairie dog" looking cat. For all her bad habits, she was a very loving and sweet little cat.

The hardest part of it all was knowing I would have to tell Haley her kitty wouldn't be sleeping with her anymore. Since we adopted the stray little cat Charlotte last July, she has slept in Haley's bed nearly every night. Anytime Haley goes to lay down to rest or to sleep she asks for 3 things: milk, snack, and Char Char. Charlotte knew when it was time for bed. She would hop onto the patio table and meow until I carried her in and put her in bed with her little girl. Together the two snuggled all night.

Telling Haley was devastating. I've never seen her heart break that way. All she could say was that she needed Charlotte and she wanted Charlotte to be alive. In her prayers she asked Heavenly Father to keep Charlotte safe and to make her alive. She walked outside and looked up at the stars and said, "I wish I wish I wish for Charlotte to be alive." Going to bed Sunday night ultimately required me to hold her. Monday morning while I was fixing her hair I looked in the mirror and saw her eyes just well up and the tears just overflowed. She was just so sad and there was nothing I could do but hold her. Monday turned out to be fairly quiet with the sitter, Cindy, so she got the chance to really talk about her feelings and her kitty and try to make it all make sense in her own mind. Cindy's patience, love, understanding, and wisdom was exactly what she needed. Haley colored pictures for Charlotte and we posted one outside above the plant we planted over Charlotte's grave. Bedtime was even more difficult...10 o'clock came around and Haley was still not settled, even after holding her, she still couldn't sleep. Ultimately, I think she whimpered herself to sleep thinking of her best friend.

Tuesday morning was better. She talked a little about Charlotte, but as much as she still wished for Charlotte to be alive, she seemed ok that Heavenly Father had fixed Char's paws and she was happy with the other kitty's in heaven. Tonight was rough, exhaustion from dance class I'm sure didn't help. She finally asked if she could sleep in my bed with Sugar (my cat). I agreed of course. It only took her 15 minutes to fall asleep. I think a new kitten may be in our very near future.

While I know that learning about death is a part of life. Knowing that our cat died in such a vicious way makes having to deal with the process so much harder. Haley doesn't know that she died in such a violent way, I simply told her Charlotte got sick, went to sleep, and didn't wake up. I'm still furious. People are mean and heartless. I know not everyone appreciates cats like I do, but to hard an innocent creature (especially domesticated) without any thought to the people you might affect is unconscionable.
Charlotte's grave...personalized by Haley.
Having a "breathing" friend sleep with you makes all the difference.

2 comments:

Katy B. said...

I am so sorry Mandy...that is horrible! But what a great moment Hailey had praying to her Heavenly Father and perhaps learning a little better the plan of salvation. You are a good Mommy and I am very blessed to know you and your sweet family...pets and all.:)

Michelle and Taeven Thompson said...

My prayers are with your sweet little girl and her dear friend, Charlotte. Animals are such wonderful gift from our Father in Heaven, and lend such kindness and love in a way only few understand.

...when my little girl's (when I nannied) bunny died, I told her that I knew Heavean was the perfect place for animals because you never hear of any coming back. With the addition of cookies and milk, she was pretty good that.